Satirical Articles
Based on publications like The Onion, here are some satirical articles regarding current news and student life. In the Writer’s Room we would edit and collaborate on the articles before publishing.
Girl Can’t Stop Staring at Herself in Zoom Chat
“How can I be expected to focus on the class discussion when my own reflection is haunting me in a good way?”
Graduating Senior Excited to Move on to Doing Nothing
“Your grandpa and the whole family can watch you graduate from the comfort of their recliners, while you strut across the living room with your Magna Cum Laude cords, freshly delivered by the Registrar’s Office via FedEx. And when that’s done, you can proudly pull off your gown and get back into your PJs, alum, because there is truly nothing else for you to do.”
Dad Willing to Risk It All for Cup of Frozen Yogurt
“In case you’re wondering what is actually fundamental for survival, you can leave the house to go get groceries, pick up medications at the pharmacy, walk your dog around the neighborhood, and luckily for your dad, go out to get frozen yogurt.”
Parents Pissed Their Kid Home from College is “Eating All Their Food”
“If having a kid home from college wasn’t bad enough, she should check the fridge. The English muffins are gone.”
Christian Girl Went Home with Your Crush (But They Just Sat on Her Bed and Talked)
“I’ve been on a lot of dates,” said sophomore Faith Clark, proud barista and thrift shopper, while spit shining her oxfords. “Most guys don’t ever go for a kiss with me until the third date, and I don’t have to ever ask them to respect me. For some reason, they just already do.”